Worst nightmare

I'm still shaking and upset.. So I knew I had to write my feelings.  I am the type of person who will dwell on my feelings for days on ends, sometimes weeks until I let it all out and I convince myself that I'm really ok.  It's just who I am.  Reading this you might think "oh my god woman get over it."  Or "really? He's home now.. He's fine."  But the truth of the matter is until it happens to you, and it's your child you can not even begin to relate to the horror I felt.  It doesn't help I'm an OCD paranoid anxiety prone person to begin with.. But you just never really think this sort of thing will happen to you.

So today was any normal day.  I got up at 6 am, fed my kids, dropped off kenn at her school, and dropped Navy off at his school.  Went home, did my routine and when the time to pick up navy rolled around 1:45 (I always leave 30 mins prior even though it's literally right up the street) I like to be one of the first to pick up my kid! I actually miss them all day! Anyways when the time came I was in fact one of the first cars there, right behind my good friend Natasna who also has a kindergartner.  School bell rang at 215 and the adults who have their walky talkies came out and checked all our car tags and paged the proper kids to come out.  Each kid has a tag that lets the teachers know who is a car rider or a bus rider.  Navy has been a car rider for 3 weeks and we've never had any complications about it.  Minutes pass by.. Still no navy.  Cars come and go and pass me.. Still no navy. I hear them page navy over the intercom which is not normal.  My heart begins to pump fast.  I roll down my window asking one of the adults, "where is navy?" He shrugs and pages him and his teacher again. The clock is moving so slow it was like I was stuck in slow motion as I watch all the kids get into their cars and pass me by.  Finally his teacher walks up to my car and I kid you not asks me "is navy with you?" I look at her frantically.. "What? Why would he be with me? Where is e?" She said "is he on a bus?" As if I was supposed to know what she did with my son!? You tell me lady!! She then tells me to park my car while she goes looking.  But I knew that if he was on a bus I needed to be there before the bus dropped him off God only knows where.  I am in the country now folks there is miles and miles of road and lots of busses and she didn't even know if he was on one! So I went with my gut, I said if he got onto his old bus it's bus 211 and it takes me 20 mins to get there so I had to haul ass to make it.  She wished me good luck and said "call me when you find him."  I couldn't believe his teacher had no idea where my 5 year old was.  I immedietly called Natasna, she goes to that bus stop and grabs her daughter and I was a hysterical mess.  I said if you get there before me please grab navy.  She was very calm and told me she would and we'd find him and not to panic.  I thanked her and did my best not to have a panic attack on the way.  I went 70 mph the entire way to that bus stop and called my mom balling, also tried Ian a million times with no luck.  The thoughts that entered my mind were some of the scariest things I've ever thought of.  I thought omg, I didn't even kiss him goodbye this morning.  What the hell is wrong with me.  My baby is scared somewhere lost and I need to find him.  I couldn't calm down! I was breathing so fast and hard I almost fainted I could feel my body tingling from light headness but I somehow by the grace of God made it safely to that bus stop right before the bus. I ran to Natasna and she hugged me and said we will find him.  I hoped so, but wasn't counting on it.  As soon as that bus pulled up I was the first to run up to it.  Balling a complete mess probably scared all the other clueless moms.  Navy was the first one off and before he even got to that last step I picked him up and scooped him off and held him.  His face was scared.  He knew he wasn't supposed to be on that bus. I only can imagine the thoughts a 5 year old had in his little head as he was on that bus. The driver never checked his pack pack tag which clearly states car rider, and the teacher failed to check his tag.  All in all my son was failed.  I just thank god he was on that bus, had it been any other bus and I wouldn't have had any way of finding him.  He doesn't know my phone number, he doesn't know his address theSe are all things that I will be working on with him before he goes back monday if I even get the courage to take him back! And yes I did call the  teacher back and tell her I found him.  She said thank god.  But was quick to put the blame on my 5 year old and I the bus driver.  I then called the principal and she was more understanding.  She said she too would have had a heart attack and that it was Unnacceptable that it even happened.  The entire school drivers and teachers will be spoken to Monday morning regarding procedures she claimed.  Now all in all my son was missing just over 30 minutes.  But every minute felt like a lifetime when you don't know if you'll ever see him again, I promise you that and wish no one ever has to feel that pain.  I'm so thankful for God he answerd my prayer as I was driving like a maniac.  I'm thankful for my friend, and my mom for calming me down.  I can't stop kissing him and hugging him.  Scares me to death.